Uncle Mort refuses to give in to what he believes is leading many people to early graves. He says he will resort to extreme measures to avoid falling into the trap he calls “ultimate boredom.”
Mort finds plenty to be had on his little spread in the woods. Sometimes, though, he seeks a change of scenery by hopping on his golf cart for a spin to the general store and a game of dominoes.
If his buddies don’t show up, he leans back in his lower chair—pencil in hand—to jot clever stickers on the bumpers of the cars whose gas tanks are being replenished.
With election season now just a few weeks away, many posters are meant to be serious. He claimed that “some candidates in political races at all levels would not realize the ‘serious’ if he slapped them in the face.” “A lot of them are some of the biggest jokes ever.”
One noted that it deserved the chorus of “Amen”. It read: “Vote conservative. If liberalism succeeds, you’ll still live in California.”
Another message: “I wrote the constitution for our marriage, but I accepted all its amendments.” Another: “We tried a divorce, but it didn’t work out.”
College classmate Bunny Martin still has his wits at age 88. He won the World Wooden Yoyo Championship at age 16 in 1955. The Toronto competition was the last held for this type of yo-yo, so he’s still the “ruling champ” in that department. This was noted in the Smithsonian.
For 68 years, he has enjoyed – nationally and internationally – his programming of charm and humour, as well as masterful spinning of stories and yo-yos. He stepped aside at the age of 83 when health problems arose.
Rabbit called that day, eager to share an account that had happened, uh, had happened.
Booked for the entertainment of a conference of 300 highway patrolmen seated behind desks in a hall, he claims that someone in the front row put his gun over the desk, pointing it at the hare. Next, the guy typed a quick note, and swiped it down the row to hand it to the rabbit.
He paused in the middle of his speech, he claims, to read the letter, which eased his fears a little.
The message said, “Don’t worry, you’re safe. I just want the name of the one who invited you here today.”
A friend called a story about two nuns who felt they had been called to testify to shepherds at a nearby racetrack. Upon their arrival, they spotted a man studying the shape of the race. The nuns examined him, noting that one of the entries – a long shot – was named Leviticus. Could a horse with a Latin name be a sign from heaven for them to bet on?
Considering this a possibility, they cut $2. Leviticus won and they got $100.
They pulled out the straws to see who would confess to the main mother. Nobody lost.
“We got it wrong, Mom,” the loser sobbed. “But we had two Heaven Marks that could not be ignored.”
“What are the signs?” Senior Mother asked.
The nun answered: “We thought that the horse with a Latin name was clearly a sign, and when the treasurer gave us our earnings, he spoke to us in Latin: ‘Jesus the Levites destroyed us! “
Another caller still remembers about us being friends for a very long time. “There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you, and nothing you wouldn’t do for me,” he said.
He didn’t finish, adding, “Since that’s true, we’ve done quite a bit for each other.” Then we went on our way rejoicing.
Finally, this has been heard somewhere in recent days. “Strive to live each day with the speed of joy as much as possible,” the spokesman warned. This is a simple statement with a very important message. In a day when differences are emphasized at every turn, we can surely agree to strive for the good in our world – and there is so much more – to restore the noble art of living.
Dr. Newbery, the university’s longtime president, continues to write weekly and speak regularly throughout Texas. Contact information: 817-447-3872. Email: [email protected] Facebook: Don Newbury.